Transportation Humor

O'Rourke on Car Safety

A car used to be a simple piece of machinery, something like a very fast rider mower but better because you couldn't mow the lawn with it. You started this up, drove off at pretty much any speed you desired, and then exercised a variety of constitutionally guaranteed liberties, usually by having sex and accidents.

No more -- nowadays if a car cannot survive a fall from the Gateway Arch and emits any vapors more noxious than Evening in Paris, the federal government won't let you own it, and what they will let you own you can't really drive, because fifty-five miles an hour is the speed at which a spirited person parallel-parks, not motors to Chicago.

-- P.J. O'Rourke, in Republican Party Reptile

Barry on Speed Limits

I'd also like to see speed limits that take into account what song you're listening to on the radio. Ideally, if a police officer pulled you over for doing, say, 95 mph in a 75 zone, and you could prove to him that you were listening to the Isley Brothers' version of "Twist and Shout," he would not only have to let you off, but he would also be required, by law, to sing along with you.

-- Dave Barry, in "Speed vs. Limits."